Longing

I am terrified.

Scared stiff, of what? Of not becoming the person I want to be. What if all this time I have spent dreaming, studying, planning, hoping, seeking, and striving for things that are unattainable or unrealistic?

This lately has been haunting me, especially in the last few days. I am weak, and easily swayed by the opinions of others. Where is my spine? I wish for once I could be strong and make decisions for myself, be who Emily is, and not concerned with what other think. I despise that in other people, but my eyes have been opened to the reality that I am too often that girl. The girl that sacrifices her dreams and goal by buying into false words. Like a child who tentatively holds onto the side of the boat, missing the views of the ocean bottom, so am I, clinging onto my insecurities, missing the wonderment of life.

I long to be patient, willing to wait for what is good and right.

I long to be encouraging, taking my eyes off myself to speak to the hurting.

I long to be merciful, slow to judge other and accepting like Christ accepts.

I long to be driven, running forward to reach fulfillment in Christ.

I long to be confident, resting in the truth that I am loved.

I long to be loved, swept away and considered beautiful.

I long to be still, to hear and see the wonders in life I have been blinded to due to my pride.

Can I step out of my box and become that unshakable, daughter of the King?

Sweet rest in Him, oh just for a moment, please. I need rest.